Over the last year, I have changed my diet to exclude beef and pork. Partly because they're cute and make silly noises, partly because they could be someone's pet, but largely because they smell like the inside of a waste processing plant.
( Eat my ass. )

I decided to trim my friend list to cut back on the noise. I've had a bit of down-time here at work and was browsing through my friend page when I noticed I had to go back in time about 5 or 6 pages just to get some content that wasn't eye-gougingly uninteresting. I found it a little bit irritating, so I took the opportunity to sift through my several-hundred-friend friend list in the hopes of trimming out some people that have either deleted their blogs or lost touch. I also decided to prune some communities that aren't as interesting to read while sober as they are while drunk. In this process, I made some observations about communities, friends, and the like.

People are 99% full of shit. This isn't news; We all know this. Every now and then you run into someone that's been holding back long enough and has somehow managed to save up enough wit to make a statement that, at the time, seems so completely clever that you lose all manner of self-control and dignity and, in a fit of wild, drunken flailing, click the "add friend" button.

For me this seems to happen daily. Once you take that leap, you quickly realize that every other entry is either about which groceries they're going to buy or what house-hold chores they're going to do, not to mention the chores they've already done. I guess that would be very interesting if they were going to do them at my house, or maybe if I at least knew where they lived so I could unleash some kind of wild, naked Twinkie-brutality on their fridge.

I had amassed a friend list of well over 200 names, comprised mostly of people I don't know and, while I'm being honest, probably don't want to know. If blogs were done right, the button right next to "add/remove friend" would say "who the fuck are you, again?" to save you the 30 minutes spent reading their back-entries in the hope of finding some familiar event to help you place their name, only to realize you don't know them. THEY LIVE IN FUCKING ARGENTINA, unless of course you live in Argentina, in which case I just removed you.

You might think that adding a community or subscribing to an RSS feed is a great way to stay informed on topics related to upcoming Oprah book-club events, inane photos of cats, and whatever other lame stuff people like you are interested in, but you'd be sorely mistaken. You start off thinking things like "Pictures of broken stuff? I LOVE BROKEN STUFF!" and about a week into it, you realize you signed up for page after page of huge, high resolution images of some homeless guy with no pants dropping a duke behind some large piece of broken machinery that doesn't work and isn't worth fixing, taken by some 12 year old Russian kid with his extremely hip and moderately low-quality camera on his most recent trip to Richmond, VA.

I'm not posting an image for this one on principle.

Adding a community to your blog is pretty much like contacting the U.S. Air Force to sign up for a propaganda pamphlet bomb so you can sift through each and every shred of the "Join our cult!" hand-outs that landed on your house, just to find the picture of some dog with well-painted green nails. Just the same, page after page of DJ set-list, where they list songs that you've either never heard of or wish you hadn't. Maybe if they posted that BEFORE you wasted 15$, 4 hours, and however much that bar-tab was after you started buying drinks for people in the hopes of making them more interesting, you'd have had time to write some satirical post that only you find funny.

Heaven forbid your mother find your blog. Jesus Christ. Maybe she's 30 or maybe she's 60, but no matter how worldly she is, unless she's a participant she probably has no idea what to do with the midget porn bloopers video that your friend linked from redtube.com - Midget Porn Bloopers! when you were passed-out drunk last night and forgot to log out. All the pervs that just clicked that link have been added back to my friend list (including my mom.) FYI.